Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
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