She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
The problem with drugs is that there's none in this hotel
The problem with drugs is that showing my boobs only gets so much of them
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize