I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
Randomize
