How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think pants incapable of making pants work
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
I now know he's been cheating for a while. I also know HER name, address, phone number, Facebook account, religion and zodiac sign. I feel like I'm earning my restraining order. Point is, never fuck over a librarian.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
