And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Text me some of your sweat
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