Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
Next time, showing us his dick should be his entry fee into your house.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
Someone wrote "LazerSwords" on my cock last night. My erect cock. Tequila is no one's friend.
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