let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
im about as happy as oj after his trial
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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