I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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