He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Hey cutie is the game almost over? I'm making dinner for us it'll be ready soon. Xox
You would rather make fucking dinner than watch a hockey game that rivals the epic-ness of miracle, the one of the biggest upsets in sport history? Babe I don't know if I can date a girl with such terrible priorities.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Randomize
