My boss' voice literally gives me gas
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
i think she is mad at you for trying to take a shit in the back seat of her car
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have seen more male genitalia at this party tonight than I ever want to see again in my entire life.
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
Randomize
