There is a such thing as a wonderpuss octopus. Officially my new favorite animal.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
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