The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
My boobs are hoarders, they steal food and hide it. Greedy bitches.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
