I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
