What do they do with the elephants that die at the zoo
Cremation, why do you ask?
I think we have a bit of a problem
the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
I'm at the cafe. It's 7am. There is a girl I don't know on my futon who tried to tickle me this morning when I got down from my loft. I also not wearing any underwear.
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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