somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
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