so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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