Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
I think I told some stripper my friend owned Groupon Last night
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
whats our policy on dating high schoolers?
we dont have a policy but im pretty sure the state of michigan does
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
Randomize
