but the lizard people decide everything anyway
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Randomize
