my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Magyver!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Randomize
