Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
By the way I got my period today. No NHL babies for me.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
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