I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
