im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
