Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
I booty called her while she was in labor.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
