i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Sorry I wasn't opportunistic about sucking your dick in an Uber last night
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
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