Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
i must have dtf stamped on my forehead
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
but the good news is i woke up with 15 dollars in my pocket so i probably sold my phone instead of puking on it
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
my roommate woke me up with head. more awkward than it sounds.
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