omg omg i just fucked paul. i need to stop doing this kind of thing.
wait, who's paul?
exactly.
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
