The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
christmas shopping: 3 hours in the liquor store...
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