I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
I swear to god he thought my ass was a bag of wine last night.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Youre saying I should leave him? Have you seen the dating pool these days? It's terrifying, and in the capital region it's straight Norman Bates
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
Randomize
