Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
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