Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Randomize
