Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
at that time a 4 pound meatball stuffed with pizza rolls seemed more important than bailing you out of jail.... sorry.
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
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