just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I think a kid would responsible me up
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
