He told me I remind him of his sister...
Was this before or after you did it?
before... I mean, it's been a long time. I just tried not to think of it during.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
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