My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Randomize