somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
Afterwards I drank a whole bottle of cake vodka in the bathtub while he was bawling his eyes out. Hands down weirdest hookup I've ever had.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
