I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize