So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Oh I see how it is...you can snap chat the world your balls but I wear dinosaur feetie pajamas and I'm the "weird one"
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
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