its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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