you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
And if I don't get arrested for drinking and canoeing over the next 3 days, this hurricane will not have turned out anywhere near as well as I planned
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
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