Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
Randomize
