i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
And then she proceeded to fling her bra around while screaming the rocket power theme song, still managing to not fall off the skateboard
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
THEN YOU WILL NOT GET TO SEE MY TITS TONIGHT OR IN THE NEAR FUTURE YOU HEARTLESS BASTARD
What better than a girl who loves jager, sexts like a champ and is down for t-bell at any hours of the night? oh wait, NOTHING.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
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