smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
He called himself excalibur. Thats all I remember.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
