i would totally change schools right now just to be that new girl everyone wants
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I just found a bag of teeth...
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
