ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
Randomize
