He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
I'm alone drinking at the bar and the titanic theme song is on. This won't end well.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
