saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I joined a mariachi band. they gave me a guitar because i told them i could play. It actually turned out ok
They kicked me out of the mariachi band. Turns out I'm not that good
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Randomize
