update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
Randomize
