Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Just saw an Asian guy riding his razor scooter to class. Dreams do come true
I need ur penis! This is not drunk texting, either! This is I need ur penis texting. There IS a difference!
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
The assistant vp has a bottle of wine on his desk & I have a feeling my boobs will be making an appearance today.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
"WHAT IS THIS LESBIAN MADNESS"
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
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