I'm in your bed right now
Okay meet you there give me 10
Don't think you can make me leave either
Give me ten I ha e to be ******'s wingman I want you
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
ok but bondage is pretty much my easy mode
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
I informed him that we had less than 5 minutes left to live, and his first words were "I'm trying to think of a good They Might Be Giants quip"
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