Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
My ass is underappreciated
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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