dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I just realized that the thing that smelled like an electrical fire in my house was me.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
