Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(949): View more from California

She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.

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(208): View more from Idaho

i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.

Fav 22 1915 931
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp

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(250): View more from British Columbia

I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.

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(401): View more from Rhode Island

You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.

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(630): View more from Illinois

I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover

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(773): View more from Illinois

I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.

Fav 4 535 303
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(867): View more from Yukon/N.W.Territory

I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage

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