Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
