He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
so its thursday, which means its time to resume communication with you
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
my goal is to masturbate without thinking about my exbf.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
can you please not set my house on fire for once???
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
