i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
For the first time in my life, I paid for my own alcoholic beverage last night. Am I getting ugly?
To be honest, kinda.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
