Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
it's like heaven, but drunker
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
