we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Also I just learned you, Samantha, and I three-way made out at my Halloween party. News to me.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
A+ Viking dick
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
