Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
This is all my moms fault. She shouldn't have encouraged my weird fascinations as a child
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
college stoner meal of the day: microwaved nutrigrain bars
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
I just don't think it's that outlandish to ask that I don't get messages from my husband at 8:30pm on a Wednesday telling me he peed on our cat
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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