Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Given everything we have talked about, is it wrong to ask you to be faithful to me, despite still dating him?
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
I once broke a mans heart just to get laid by a premature ejaculator
I texted her that I burned my tongue drinking coffee so it hurt to talk or kiss... How many points do I get for doing her without talking or making out first?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
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