Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
Randomize
