I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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