just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
My bathroom smells like artichokes and absinthe. I am naming a perfume after you and using the money to buy new towels.
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Randomize
