i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Trust me man, I did not put any cookies down your pants when you slept.
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
Randomize
