FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
We're about to get drunk and it feels wrong without you
Randomize
