my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I just blindly shoved it in. I'm still not sure which hole I got.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
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