Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
Randomize
