I have demons in me.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
