If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
My parents are now taking hits off a joint. Thank you.
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
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