Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
MIDGETS
????
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Randomize
