you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
they found her hiding behind the couch trying to feed a cabbage patch doll a bottle of tequila. please tell me she's on birth control.
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
