My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I've had three separate encounters with cops in the last 9 hours.... In two different states
just found out that she named her cat after me.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
I'm very aware of my heart moving the blood in my body.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
