There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I*** M*****, this is your dignity texting you. I ditched you when you started hitting on bros and old sailor men last night. My friend Sarah has pictures to prove it.
you're like the Neil Armstrong of terrible hookups, you are a pioneer
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
Currently eating Dominos at the bar high as shit so that's how homework is going
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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