She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
If i'm forever fucked up in this state of mind then I'm going to kill him for this
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
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